Mind Games for Foodies

I thought, you crafty little so-and-so. OK, this is war.

I will not be outplayed at the water cooler, and certainly not by THAT girl from the Account's section. I mean, who wears Culottes anymore - it's not the eighties honey...

"Crushed walnuts are OK" I replied, "but are they the Persian or Butternut variety? Did you know the butternut ones are extremely high in fat?" I watched her smile wobble for a moment before she regained her smugness.

"Oh, definitely the Persian ones" she replied, a little too gaily. "They're sooo expensive - but then all my greengrocer's produce is organic - do you buy organic?" Now it was my turn to falter. She stared at me evenly, as I withered ever so slightly. Temporarily beaten, I retreated to my usual fall back position of delivering the truth in economical portions. Sometimes, intemperate people call this lying.

"Oh yes. Have done for years." She tilted her head thoughtfully, seemingly awake to my every move. "Hmmm" she uttered softly, while her eyes screamed 'liar, liar'.

"Have you tried Goji berries?" Unshackling myself from the burden of honesty, I was inspired to turn defence into attack. "I've had so much more energy after eating a scoop of these every morning".

She brought her glass to her lips and drank. Was she now playing for time? I quickly pushed on, growing in strength, like a young lion circling a fallen prey. "It's really hard to get the genuine berries, I have them flown out from Tibet for me each week".

"Really", she replied, drawing the word out in preparation for her ambush: "I suppose the Dalai Lama brings them out for you in person?"

Bitch. I'm sure the colour drained from my face before I realised I'd thought it and not said it. I then opened my mouth to assail her with a witty rejoinder - but found myself bereft of anything approaching prudence.

"Bitch". The word escaped from my mouth, but I did manage a half-smile in a forlorn attempt to soften the invective. Surprisingly, she smiled in self-satisfaction as she turned, wordlessly, and strode the walk of the winner back to her desk.

Accounts girl 1, arrogant charlatan Nil.